BE Yourself Before You Can KNOW Yourself
Are you also someone who is constantly on a journey of searching deeply for your true self and striving to understand your inner essence? Do questions like: ‘Who am I?’ ‘Why do I do what I do?’ ‘Does what I do fit with my true self?’ also keep you busy?
For me, these questions have been constant companions, guiding me on a journey of self-discovery—a journey that’s been anything but easy. Yet, through the struggles, falling and getting up, I’ve grown in ways I never imagined possible.
Now, I want to share that journey with you. I want to inspire you to embrace your true self, to uncover the essence of who you are. And as you walk your own path, I hope my story can help you navigate some of the challenges I’ve faced.
Curious? Then keep reading!
Quick recap
Let’s rewind to 2009. I began my first full-time job as an accountant. As an accountant, I would visit clients to check internal processes and verify that their financial statements are correct. Usually, I worked in small teams—often just two people. I noticed I secretly liked it when my colleague went off to meetings, leaving me alone to work. On days when I was the only one at the client’s office, I loved it. I was also super productive on those days!
Then there were days when I had to work in bigger teams, resulting in lots of talking and lots of meetings. I realized that I didn’t have much to say during those meetings. Looking back, I can admit that I often didn’t even understand what exactly the colleagues were talking about. If I had to speak up, I would break out in a sweat. And after each meeting, I was completely exhausted. This didn’t just happen in meetings: even during a simple lunch walk with coworkers (!), I’d feel drained.
These things made me feel vulnerable... And naturally I started doubting myself and got these thoughts:
Why can’t I express myself clearly?
Why don’t I understand what they’re talking about?
And honestly the question (I can say it now 😊): why do I feel so uninterested about these topics?!
Over the years, I moved from one company to another. The faces changed, the tasks evolved, but the underlying experience remained the same: feeling lost for words, faking interest, forcing laughter at jokes that didn’t resonate. Social events were the worst—I absolutely hated them. They left me completely drained. Yet I kept up the act, trying to appear engaging, only to return home utterly exhausted. It felt like I was fighting against myself without even realizing it.
Now you might be thinking: "Maybe the work is just too tough, and stepping back is the answer." That's an acceptable thought. I had that thought too, but I realized that wasn't the problem.
Why not? Because I did my work well, and my results proved it. The problem wasn’t in what I did, but in how disconnected I felt from myself.
The change
Around 2015, I noticed I was changing. I strongly cut down on the things I simply didn’t want to do because they drained my energy. This included:
Less small talk: I’d skip the small talk and the chat about topics I had no interest in;
Fewer meetings: if I didn’t need to be there, I wouldn’t attend;
Fewer social events: I decided to challenge the status quo and cut down on social events.
People might have found me boring or that I didn’t ‘fit in’, but I truly didn’t care because I started experiencing more inner peace, and it was totally worth the discomfort of those decisions. By being myself, I started to understand myself better. Doesn’t that sound a lot better than constantly faking it and doubting yourself?
“I started experiencing more inner peace”
A moment of truth
Consistently sticking to these new choices felt like training for a match—I had to practice, again and again, until it became a habit. And guess what? It truly started to pay off. Let me share an anecdote with you that has really stayed with me:
In 2018, I worked in the strategy team of an academic hospital. To build a robust strategy the idea was to learn from other hospitals. A trip to London was organised to visit some academic hospitals. Because of certain conditions me and another colleague were the only consultants who got to go on the inspirational journey to London with the hospital’s top 15 leaders—all board members and chairpersons.
On arrival night everyone was in the hotel lobby having a drink. Most people in my place would jump at the chance to make themselves be seen, network, and make connections with these impressive leaders.
I did something different.
When I came downstairs from my room, I greeted the group and went outside to explore a bit of London!
During my walk I got hungry, found an Indian restaurant, and ordered a chicken tandoori. It was delicious! After a while, I went back to the hotel. Everyone was still there. One board member asked me, “So, what have you been up to?” and I proudly replied, “I went to get chicken tandoori.” Some of them smiled. You could almost feel they secretly wished they’d done the same. I’ve never regretted that choice. I was fully in my element. You’ll get what you’re meant to get in life anyway. Why force yourself into something that doesn’t fit your identity?
Discovering introversion
By making these choices, I slowly realized: I’m an introvert.
It was my AHA! moment.
You can not imagine what a relief it was to finally put a name to my experiences! Honestly, I hadn’t even heard of the term a few years ago. And I might never have learned it if I kept forcing myself to act like someone I’m not!
My message to you
Thank you for you attention till now. Now here is (finally) my message to you:
Always be true to who you are, even if it makes you feel like an outsider. That’s maybe the way how you might find peace. More importantly, you’ll learn about yourself and make better life decisions. This will save you so much suffering in the long run. Believe me, investing in a search for your real self is worth more than all the money in the world. It’s going to take willpower, sacrifice, and discomfort. But it’s worth it. Are you ready?
“Investing in a search for your real self is worth more than all the money in the world”
Don’t miss your flight
To encourage you to actively look for who you really are, imagine this situation:
You finally have a vacation after a year of hard work—ten days in Bali with your family!
On departure day, you oversleep and miss your flight. How awful….
There’s another flight the next day, but once again you oversleep. How is that possible???
On the third try, you’re finally on time, but you have to pay extra for a rebooked ticket and endure two transfers, adding a full day to your travel.
Eventually, you arrive in Bali four days later than planned. Your family is exhausted, the kids are crying, and you only have six days left to enjoy what was supposed to be a ten-day vacation….
Terrible right? This is what happens when you don’t make choices that align with who you truly are: you reach your destination too late—or maybe even not at all. Convinced now? Read further for a kickstart for discovering yourself!
“Life is short, yet it can be so beautiful. Make the best of it, and discover the destinations that are meant for you.”
How do I kickstart?
Great question. I’d recommend you to start with small steps:
Keep a daily log for a week or two
Write down what you did each day and note whether you felt that it worked for you or that you felt that it did not work for you.
Identify patterns
After a week or two, look for recurring themes. Which activities drained your energy? Which brought you peace? Write it down.
Start experimenting!
With the insights you’ve gained, start experimenting and make choices to reduce certain activities that do not feel good for you.
Reflect
Reflect on how you feel after having made your new choices. Do you feel more energy? Do you feel like you have more motivation during the day? Is your mood better?
And just like that, keep trying. This process isn’t always smooth or easy—but even so, you’re making progress just by simply starting. I don’t know you personally, but I’m genuinely proud that you’re willing to look for yourself!
Final thoughts
Staying true to yourself is a great way to find genuine peace of mind. Give yourself permission to be who you are—not who you think others want you to be. You’ll be amazed by the clarity and joy that come when you finally arrive at the “destination” that was always meant for you.
““Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.””